A Safety Plan Is More Than a Tool in Your Purse

Let’s be honest. Around here, we love a good tool. Pepper spray, a flashlight, a solid holster… we will talk gear all day long.

But it’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and we need to say something clearly: a tool is not a safety plan.

A tool is one thing you carry. A safety plan is the whole picture around you. Who you can reach. Where you go. What someone else might be able to see. Who can help you think it through.

So let’s talk about what a safety plan really is, and who is best equipped to help you build one.

What a safety plan actually is

The National Domestic Violence Hotline describes a safety plan as personalized and practical. It is meant to improve someone’s safety while experiencing abuse, while preparing to leave, or after leaving.

Notice that word: personalized. There is no one-size-fits-all version. A plan for someone who lives with the person causing harm looks different from a plan for someone who doesn’t. Where you live, who is around you, and what the other person has access to all change the picture.

And here’s the part we want everybody to hear. The person living the situation is the expert on it. Not the internet. Not the friend with strong opinions. Not us.

A question map, not a checklist

We are not handing you a step-by-step escape list. A written checklist can actually create risk if the wrong person finds it. Instead, here are four areas a plan often considers. Think of them as conversation starters to bring to an advocate, not homework.

1. People: Who can you safely contact?

• Who in your life feels safe to talk to?
• Is there someone you could reach quickly if you needed to?
• Who would you rather not share details with right now?

2. Places and routines: What parts of your day matter?

• Which places in your week feel safer, and which feel harder?
• Are there routines someone else knows very well?
• Where could you get to a safer phone or computer if you needed one?

3. Communication and accounts: What might someone else be able to see?

• Is your phone, email or location shared with anyone?
• Does anyone else know your passwords?
• Are any accounts or devices connected to someone else?

4. Support: What help is available to you?

• Have you talked with a trained advocate about your options?
• Are there local programs for legal help, counseling or shelter?
• What kind of support would feel useful right now, even if it’s just talking?

You don’t need answers to all of these today. Plans change as life changes, and that’s normal.

Let’s talk about the gun in the room

We’re a firearms training academy, so we’re going to say this plainly.

In an abusive relationship, access to a weapon changes the risk. The Hotline does not advocate for survivors to buy a gun as a safety solution, and we respect that.

Buying a firearm is not a shortcut to safety. A class is not a safety plan. If you’re navigating an abusive situation, the best next step is an advocate who can look at your specific situation with you, before, during or after leaving.

A quick word about tech

Technology can help you find support. It can also be used to watch you.

The Hotline’s internet safety page notes that phone and computer use can be monitored without you knowing, and that browsing history can never be completely erased, even in private or incognito mode. Suddenly changing settings on a device someone else watches may also get noticed.

If that’s a concern, consider looking up resources from a device you trust, like a library computer or a safe friend’s phone. For personalized tech safety help, the Hotline and NNEDV’s Safety Net project are good places to start.

Where Tribe fits

Tribe Defense Academy teaches responsible, lawful safety skills for people who choose to train; we do not provide crisis counseling and we are not a substitute for an advocate.

You don’t have to figure this out alone

Need to talk with someone?

The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers confidential support 24/7 and can help you build a personalized safety plan.

• Call 800-799-SAFE (7233)
• Text START to 88788
• Chat at thehotline.org
• Build a plan with the interactive safety planning tool

If someone may be monitoring your phone or computer, consider using a safer device. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 when it is safe to do so.

You don’t need to know what to call it, and you don’t need a plan figured out before you reach out. An advocate can meet you right where you are.

With love, Shani & Tony